Monday, July 30, 2007

doubts...

less than 2 months to departure... and I'm starting to have doubt on myself... am I ready?

phew... studying abroad has always been my dream since.... ever... the idea of living somewhere independently, working hard, pushing myself out of my own comfort limit, are very very challenging... and I am soo eager to experience all of them... but... like the old saying, "you never realized what you had until you lost it..".. well, i haven't lost it yet.. :P but i realize how much i will miss everything.. i'm gonna miss hanging out with my mom and sister every night, watching soccer, screaming at every attempts for goals.. debating about everything with my too-clever-brother (shoot.. i always lost..).. accompanying my sister when she's playing beautiful classical pieces with her flute.. listening to my parents singing old jadul indonesian songs in karaoke.. :)) i'm gonna miss my piano.. i'm gonna miss my unbelievably naughty dogs... and those thoughts sometimes (most of the times) just make me not wanting to go at all.. ah... it really messes up with my emotion... X( last night, i was cleaning my room, and i found a photo of myself, my brother and my sister 12-13 years ago... we were sitting on top of a car, in the garage of my old house.. my sister was just about 4 years old... my brother was 7 and i was 10.. and then i cried like a baby.... -_-'' for God's sake, i'm still in Indonesia.. and my siblings are just a few meters away.. what on earth is going on with me....? ah.. sudah gila..

still about going abroad... I have tons of things in my head right now... well mostly about the luggage, visa, and other documents required for my education.. but there is another thing that's been bugging my mind.. aduh, gimana ya bilangnya.. seeing myself now, I can proudly say that I love my family.. I can't wait to get home everyday just to meet them.. and I find spending my weekends at home with them very precious.. and I started to wonder, will I be the same person in a year or so? will I still appreciate hanging out with them, or being independent as I could possibly be, I would rather do things other than that?

these thoughts are really driving me crazy.. do you people have those too before deciding to go somewhere? or was it just me?

anyway,, congratulations to iraq for winning the asian cup.. that's one HELL of an effort... great game... beautiful goal... they deserved to win.. and the whole celebration was quite entertaining... :) senayan stadium looked majestic.. i'm so proud of my country.. :)
dan fyi people, ini pertama kali, tim yang gue belain menang!! yeaaaah.. tampaknya karma gue sudah berubah.. :))