why do people get married?
the last time, i asked that, my friend said, 'oh my god, mon! segitu bekukah hati lo sampai lo ga mau married?'
.... #$*&%$# ....
don't get me wrong.. i'm not the kind of girl who are sooo independent that i can (want to) do anything i want by myself.. no.. i love being in love.. and i love having someone that i can share all my thoughts and feelings with.. and when i was a kid, watching all those walt disney movies.. i adore marriage and love.. i wanted to be one of the princesses, who fell in love and lived happily ever after..
though now.. things are really different from the movies.. many divorce, affairs.. why do people get married? i remember once, a friend said that 'there are always troubles in marriage'.. of course, there are, and i don't expect a free-of-trouble life because that would be really boring.. but the main problem is, i saw a lot of people fail in their marriage.. i saw men leaving their wives and kids to be with another woman.. i saw men going back to their parents' house, leaving their wives and kids to live a better life.. i saw married guys, offering other women that they're willing divorce their pregnant wives only to be with them.. then what's the point of marriage if you can't keep your promises? and how come we, girls, would always be the unlucky kamus.translate(pihak) of the divorce?
this is not meant to accuse all the guys out there.. i'm sure most of you would do anything to fight for your marriage.. and i'm not saying that girls are perfect either.. but all of the things that happened really scared the hell out of me.. i don't wanna fail.. and i'm sure noone want.. but how come so many did?
so what's exactly the formula to keep a marriage from falling apart? is love enough? is love + prayer enough? do you need love + prayer + commitment? or do you need luck and miracle and a whole lot more than that?
~or... maybe it wasn't supposed to be thought that much?
Labels: thoughts
posted by Monica @ 1:00 PM
39 Comments
39 Comments:
nahhh... reaching this point, i think it's very normal to be realistic. i have faith that all that "happily ever after" endings only happens in movies. because looking how my parents can stand each other for the past 24 years i think requires a lot of effort from both sides.
i've no clue on how to keep marriage from failing apart, as i've never in one. :P
but that "why should we get married?" is also always in the back of my mind. the very reason why i don't plan to get married anytime soon. i'll get married when i have the right answer to that question.
dealing with personal life's already difficult. why bother adding more problems if you can be fine by dating? hahaha see? i'm even more extreme than you. :)
bah.
ralat:
i have faith that all that "happily ever after" endings only happen in movies.
i've no clue on how to keep marriage from failing apart, as i've never been in one. :P
Hi, Monica, am doing blog-walking this aft and read ur thought. I am sory I don't have your answer though I got married already. But in my case, I got married because I feel comfortable with him. It's beyond love. Comfortable here refers to we share understanding (which is very often different), have respect each other, desire and the consistent effort to upkeep it. He's not the most charming guy described in a chicklit-novel but I feel secured with him. For these, I take a chance to get married with all the risks. Wish me luck yaa...
dasar para perfectionist.. =P
marriage should be based on love, right? right... love is unrealistic and imperfect, right?
semua mah ada resikonya. why will i? maybe coz i think it would be fun.. including all the fights and bickering.. hehehe..
ojo: kalo masih kepikiran marriage equals additional problem and not additional happiness.. berarti pilihan lo blm beres xp huehehehe...
~orang yg mo kawin mencari justifikasi.. wekekekek...
I totally agree with what you say. I love being in love too (after all, which girl isnt?) but the "modern world" has jaded a lot of our views regarding love and relationships -- using divorce and separations as a get-out clause from a marriage. It totally contradicts the institution of marriage...
yup yup
ide menikah itu luar biasa menurut gw, tapi tujuan orang yg menikah itu yang bikin gw males (mostly).
persoalannya sekarang mencari orang yg bertujuan sama dengan lo, dan ini sulit cos nobody really knows whats inside one's head
ndun: hahaha sial lo. nggak lah, gue gak bilang gak ada additional happiness. karena kalo emang sayang, pasti hepi lah.
i'd love to be married if marriage involves only the 2 PEOPLE within the marriage. not the whole big family. karena kalo bisa gitu, then gak ada bedanya ama dating, and it's fine by me. heheh.
Marriage almost seems a thing of the past but not with those who have that good old relationship with God. My son is about to be married in July, his blog is a link from mine. He is so much in love. He is 27 and waited for the right women. We tease him and say he "Just loves everything" because right now that is how he is acting. And what better way to go into marriage. My husband recently died after a 32 marriage. Life was good. As for what you may be actually looking for, try asking God to fill you with the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues. God is sooo good and changed my life so many years and gave me the reason for living. Doesn't mean I don't have my trials, but living for Him has made all the difference.
ojochan: i totally agree with you on this part: "i'll get married when i have the right answer to that question" :P can't imagine walking the aisle with all of those scary thoughts in my head and end up running away in that big white wedding dress..
lifeisbeautiful: i adore people like you, who treasure what they already have.. :) will definitely wish you all the best in your marriage..
andin: hehe.. :) bukan perfectionist lagi.. i enjoy fighting and making up.. i've always thought that they're all process to get to know each other even better and bring you closer to each other.. and about the girls i mentioned above, they worked their ass off to save their marriage, but it really doesn't matter because it requires 2 people to keep a marriage from falling apart.. that's the scary part..
princess banter: yup!! definitely.. that's my point.. marriage should be something sacral.. where did it go?
ojochan lagi: lol.. agree lagi.. maybe we belong outside indonesia, ndar.. :D
boulette: i'm very sorry for your loss.. i am sure he's a very nice husband.. :) thank you for your comment.. i wish your son all of the best in his marriage.. :)
kusut: knowing what's in his head doesn't guarantee that he won't change over time, right? tambah susah lagi dong.. :P
Ehm.. In my opinion, for someone who already finds someone who really "klick", I think he/she wont hesitate at all.. If you really feel that "he's the one", kynya perasaan takut terkalahkah g sih?
seperti andin dan lifeisbeautiful gituh loh... jd.. yah.. mgkn.. mgkn..
*g pengalaman jg sih*
waah.. kaget.. ternyata monic setipe ama nenek 0_o
gak tau sih ya kalo orang laen. tapi gue sih, mo berasa "he's the one" juga, kalo masih ga berasa realistis buat nikah ya mending nggak.
kalo kata temen gue sih ya, "don't just marry someone you love. marry someone you can live the rest of your lifetime with."
i totally agree on that.
dan kalo kata gue sih ya, "mo makan apa? makan cinta? mana kenyaaaaaanggg...." huehehehehehehe
^nice post
ga ngerti gw mon...
once you know what's inside partner's head,you find out the motive of him/her marrying you. lah klo motivenya udah ga sesuai gimana ngerubahnya??
dan satu lagi :
klo elo merasa udah klop ama pasanganlu, yakin itu dia yg klop? sapa tau dia cuma berusaha mengklopkan diri. lebih baik ga klop tapi understanding kayak kata lifeisbeautiful
kalau motifnya emang ga sesuai mah ga usah dilanjutin aja.. :P maksud gue justru sebaliknya.. kalau dari awal, semuanya udah cocok nih, how can we be so sure that things will stay the same after years go by?
tentang klop2an, that's very interesting.. sebenernya how much time do you need to know a person as he truly is and not who he's pretending to be?
klo motifnya diketahui setelah menikah?? cerai donk :D makanya banyak yg cerai sekarang (sotoy)
NICE SITE! Good ideas (and comments).
Yet, one may need to understand about how one can FIRST be married to the Big Guy in the sky, before getting married to the guy below!
DID YOU KNOW THAT ONE MUST FIRST BE "CHOSEN, then CALLED," BEFORE finally being "ENABLED" to ENTER THE "THRONE ROOM" IN THE SKY?
HOW CAN THIS BE?
See the "CHOSEN"Code and "COLOR"Code; VISIT:
http://quadcode.blogspot.com !
Save or Print it to study.
HAVE A MUCH MORE "BRIGHTER" FUTURE!
A lot of things to say! A lot of things to think! Nice blog, congratultaions! I'm a peruvian writer, my name is Eduardo Acosta. Visit my blog if you wish:
www.eduardo-acosta.blogspot.com
Kisses!
EDUARDO
you know, the most peculiar thing is.. how many posts are coming from kusut ^^
iya no, reading mind does not equal to controlling it. 'coz people change. kalo 22nya ga bisa nerima no matter what, ya ga jaminan.
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nice post！
you know，life is always complicated，life is a sturggle，and we should enjoy it，so be happy！may god bless you！
welcome to my weblog
iamcdd.blogspot.com
cd: :) lol.. don't know why but your post is really calming.. yeah, maybe it wasn't suppose to be simple in the first place, anyway.. :) thanks..
anonymous: sorry i had to delete your post.. (well not that sorry actually.. =D) next time, write your name..
ndin: mungkin kusut udah planning untuk menyusul lo soon, ndin.. :P who's the lucky girl?
~makin OOT
You love whom you serve.
If you serve EACH OTHER you will love each other
nice to read your thoughts..
i'm your age.. in a relationship..
never married, but can tell you that what keeps a marraige alive is love and only love.. coz, once you love some1, you'll just b incapable of hurting that person..
it's not like a disney movie.. it's like life.. u love it with all its fallouts
I.E.: Because 'love' as it is understood today is only a metophor for self gratification, when one has become jaded of one's source of self gratification (one's 'lover') it appears that the 'love' has died out and there remains no reason to stay in a dead relationship. However real love, which is only attained by giving will never die out if it is nourished and supported by both parties.
Notice that in a parent/child relationship the giver (parent) loves the child whereas the taker (the child) does not return the parents love. This often to the dismay of the parent who can't understand why the child has so little respect for the parent who gives so much!
Hi in answer to your question about marriage and why it goes wrong so often none one knows!! but if you give up trying you can never achieve anything, I can only tell you about my marriage it will be 11 years next week and every day is special, coming from a broken divorced family myself I never had to much faith it either but can be worth it but if you find that somone special, I believe that your partner should be your friend before anything else sex is just a bonus!! always talk is another good rule and try not to ever take an argument into the bedroom because it will just carry on the next day, always remember that although your are partners you are both individuals too and that she is not just my wife or mother to our children but still a person in her own right with opinions that should always be listened to the same way she should listen to mine, allow each other to do things for themselves, not everything has to been done together sorry about that I did not mean to make my reply into a lecture!! I found your blog by accident and you made me smile during a long dreary day at work, you sound like a lovely person with your head screwed on properly and I'm sure there is someone pefect for you just around the corner
take care
paul
Hi!!! this is an interesting topic to debate on:-)If you ask me, my vote would go for marriage.Marriage is essential to share,to care about one another...For a person like me, who doesn't believe or isnot interested in the concept of dating,
the institution of marriage should be the ultimate remedy to have a lifetime companion.You need to have a person by your side, anytime n anywhere to have a softcorner for you while in this ruthless world.
banyakan ndari koq :p
hmm koq maksud gw sulit ditangkap yah? makanya gw posting mulu. sudahlah :D
tadi anonim yg lu apus itu gw mon :D
Hi this
Gurpreet
nick name Preet!
Having a Tractor! Parts Manufacturing Co.
Marriage is not for only enjoy or just producing child but it is a relationship that we have to manage for long as long we can. in life everyone needs a person who will help us on the time of our problems and Husband wife are the best Friends if you think so
gee, Mon, little bit contradictive with your ideal marriage proposal post rite? :P
Well actually Mon, everything has a "dark side". But you just can't simply don't do anything rite ;) Your fear is reasonable. It's a decision of a lifetime (divorce is not an option :P) We all are freak out(not just the woman, but also the man). But sooner or later, all of us(correct me if I'm wrong) have to face that kind of decision rite ;) In your case, I think you still have plenty of time to think about your ideal man. The one that can be on your side for the rest of your life...(too much John Mayer :P) It is ok to be freak out for now. Instead, I think it is good to think this kind of matter from now, so when the time is come, you are ready :)
I know a lot of person, man and woman, who are freak out to talk this kind of stuff. But we still got a lot of time to think so, and i think you'll be fine. Just don't close your mind to those anti-marriage mind. Just remember that not all marriage start with marriage ring and ended up by suffer ring :P. Actually, such "marriage" is not a marriage. It's just the matter of time before you can find another Van Der Sar :P
~sorry4badEnglish
~cheers ;)
Well, you just be afraid to get married.
It's natural when today's marriages ended in a total lost. People having free intercourses making them easy to forget what it's like to having only one person to do that for the rest of your life. I don't think you're a swinger, so your marriage would not be easy to be expelled.
Btw, I think I agree on you on how our custom forced us to having a family as an ultimate. It's kinda disrupting.
I know, a marriage is not just about sex , but also having relationship. It would also be an investment where you can see your children look after you. But, it's a high risk investment, 'coz today's children love to take their parent into orphanage.
Whoa.. this talk just like the theory in Idiocracy. :)
Good for people to know.
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